haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
