I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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