Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
