Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
