I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
