yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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