if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
