T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
