Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
