I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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