Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
