Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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