I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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