so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
