I need help removing her.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
