That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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