Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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