I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
