Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she peed on how many people?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
