i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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