"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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