I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
