I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
