You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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