and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
