I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
