If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
