It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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