Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
