So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
