wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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