i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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