every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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