shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
