At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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