he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Two words: blizzard sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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