i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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