I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
