just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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