Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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