I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
P.S. I can't hear my feet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
