STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
