1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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