I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
