So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
