ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
