nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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