if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
