hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
