Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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