Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
