well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
its liver damage thursday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
