I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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