I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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