This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
