i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
