Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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