i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to make out with him forever
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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