did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
