I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
