I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
