Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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