Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize