This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am available for nakedness
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
