I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
