Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
