I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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