I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
